When abandonment issues bring fear and stress with (or instead of) love and bonding, there are five crucial steps for healing.
There are many self help options available - both on this site and outside this site. I don't claim to have the only way to heal abandonment issues. I'm a huge fan of self help. I ADORE self help. I ADORE people who pursue it.
To me, self help, the impulse of it, the intention of it, the empowerment that it assumes, is THE DEFINING difference between those who are truly alive and those who are the walking dead.
As you carefully consider these five steps, keep in mind that most of the REAL core underlying issues that affect you are UNCONSCIOUS. And I can't tell you how many elaborate strategies I've seen that attempt to get information from the unconscious.
The simple truth, MY simple truth anyway, is that I have never seen anything as perfectly suited, and as powerful, as Resonance Repatterning for identifying and shifting the core issues underlying abandonment issues. It just plain rocks it.
1. Identify the earlier experiences that underlie your issues.
2. Identify your beliefs, feelings, and unmet needs that formed in connection with those earlier experiences.
3. Build the new, life-enhancing, coherent beliefs, feelings, and needs that will bring you inner power and deep, lasting growth.
4. Create a "shift" in your energy field from the old to the new. This requires more than the usual "talking-thinking-learning-problem-solving" of your left brain.
5. Become empowered by WHO YOU ARE. Connect with your genuine power and potential. Know that change is possible. Shift what you resonate with.
I do this with people who are probably a lot like you every day. It works! It is SO very do-able (with the right process.)
Abandonment issues make it quite difficult to have fullfilling relationships. Going through life with UNfulfilling relationships is NOT necessary.
Abandonment issues create patterns
where you attract "abandoners".
Or you become one.
It also creates an "abandonment filter"
Sort of like rose colored glasses
but in a bad way...
Abandonment colored glasses
often self-fulfilling prophesies
often blocking your view of what needs to been seen
Distorting your own experience of life, love, relationships
Heal it, don't DEAL with it!
The real kick in the pants is that fear and insecurity become the reality you live, become a self-fulfilling prophesy, become the fatal flaw in what may be real love. Imperfect perhaps, painful...usually. But still, it could be real love.
What kind of unconscious intimacy definition limits your relationships?
What happens in your body when you feel fear?
• I freeze or go numb
• I worry a lot
• I don't play/be fun
• I escape/avoid
• I'm tense
• I'm too serious
• I stop breathing
• I'm tied in knots
• I attack
Pause and take a look at yourself, a compassionate look. See how your distortion, pain, fear, and assumptions affect your life - your sense of self, your ability to feel whole.
You can develop the ability to have happy, inter-dependent relationships. An ability to attract fully available people.
Fear of Abandonment: Heal The Feelings & Traumas Causing Your Fears
What would you like to change about this condition within you? How would changing from the inside out affect your life, happiness, well-being? Do you realize that change is possible? Do you feel like you've already tried everything?
Here's a big one - try it for a moment -
Imagine a couple lounging on a picnic. They are gazing sweetly, lovingly, at each other. They are completely relaxed and simply enjoying the moment, much like one does when looking at a baby or puppy. Just sweet happiness in the other, in their connection, in the moment.
Social Anxiety Self Help What Do You Need So You Can Trust?
Is that kind of moment something you relate to for yourself? The sweetness of love? Of eye gazing? Heart opening? Warmth? Relaxation? Happiness just to be and be with another? To enjoy and be enjoyed?
What gets in the way of that for you? Would you like to experience deep changes around that? Do you know that you can?
I do...I know that for you. It happens all the time. Your wounds, your abandonment issues, your fears, they are part of being human
(and the healing transformations that YOU can realize
are part of being human, too)
What is it that keeps creating painful relationships? Or blocks relationships right from the start? The answer is unique to each person. Yet at the same time, there are many common issues that we share.
Which negative beliefs support your abandonment issues?
are thoughts that you take to be true...and of course, they do seem
true. Your beliefs have a huge (and I mean HUGE) influence on your
experiences. However, your beliefs and experiences CAN CHANGE.
If you seek to break a pattern you see in your self, you will have to go deeper than romantic relationships. It is likely a pattern that began in your childhood.
I had no idea that I had these sorts of issues until my late 40s - in my THIRD marriage! Isn't it odd, how something so deep and painful, that colored my entire life, was invisible to me?
Intense feelings around abandonment trigger unconscious survival reactions. Very painful, uncontrollable reactions.
It doesn't get much bigger than this. These issues are entwined with being HUMAN. We are built to bond! A lot of suffering revolves around bonding and even if you were never "technically" abandoned, there are countless ways that life and relationships create insecure women and men.
Dealing with Emotional Pain: Heal what happened when you were a child
Go to Intimacy Definition: Closeness is "Realness"
Go to: How to Heal Abandonment: Learn to Be Empowered
Go to Fear of Abandonment: Heal The Feelings & Traumas Causing Your Fears
Go to Dealing with Emotional Pain: Holistic Personal Development, Love and Self Help
Go to Social Anxiety Self Help: What Do You Need So You Can Trust?
Go to Child Abandonment: How to Help a Child With Abandonment IssuesHome › Healthy Relationship
By Laura Frisbie, Alternative Relationship Therapist
Because I am a Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner, insurance is not an option. I do not work with mental illness or offer treatments for severe depression. Published content, sessions, webinars, etc., are not a substitute for psychiatric treatment.