The Five Mindsets You Need
for Successful Relationships
Are you dealing with emotional pain? There are two essential mindsets that you need in order heal and grow.
The first MAJOR mindset is to be present (and to be willing to be present).
You don't have to like it but you do have to accept, submit, surrender (or what EVER you want to call it) - just actually DEAL with it! Right? Dealing with emotional pain begins with dealing...not avoiding, not blaming, not collapsing, not being a victim, not reacting, lashing out, getting wasted.
ALL that. CHOOSE to be present. FEEL yourself being ready, willing and ABLE to feel whatever you feel. Period.
Being present with emotional pain has some subtlety to it. Being in your head is not being present. By being present I mean attuned, sensitive, AWARE of how it you feel...what is happening in your body, your energy, your breath, your tension. Just be present WITH it without clenching against it.
The second MAJOR mindset to dealing with emotional pain is helping it move. Not getting STUCK. Emotions are part of life, they all exist, they just ARE, and they are not meant to get stuck.
A lovely metaphor (speak of the devil) is the image of YOU being transparent, like a gas rather than a solid. Emotions can float through you. Moving emotion is different from pushing away, rejecting, suppressing etc. because moving it requires being present with it. Even so...be mindfull that you are not rejecting and pushing it away.
Let it move the way it wants to, not the way you want it to.
So, what I am about to propose is a simple self-help for dealing with emotional pain that you CAN do. It helps you be present and also to MOVE the emotional energy.
Abandonment (and other relationship issues) include TONS of intense, conflicting emotions - and emotions are not easy! They are confusing, overwhelming and almost impossible to describe. We want them to go away, we feel embarrassed, exposed, vulnerable. We judge our feelings and then judge ourselves for feeling how we feel.
Most of attempt try to resolve things by "figuring things out" - but we just wind up in an endless thought loop - like an "ear-worm" snip of song playing over and over.
Or even worse, we find ourselves:
How is that working out for you?
Can you see how that head trip doesn't help? Is it hard to stop doing it?
Do you see that this head-trip loop pattern is in itself a fair chunk of the suffering that you don't want?
Well, never fear, Laura is here! I have a suggestion. Be your own science experiment. Your own poetic, metaphorical, symbolic, emotional, energy-healing experiment. (My hypothesis is you will benefit.)
I'm sayin' BE LIKE A POEM - BE POETIC - USE YOUR IMAGINATION - GET IT WORKING for YOU!
Get metaphorical, symbolic, lyrical, elemental, meaningful, tune into some "global nature energies."
Metaphors help us capture and express emotion - metaphors are vivid, vibrant, and dramatic...just like our emotions.
Notice how we talk about emotions:
What are some other emotional metaphors? What are YOURS? Once you tune in you may notice how they are EVERYwhere. I think this illustrates how emotions are NOT RATIONAL.
The best way to take a break from the old worn out head trip is to replace it with something more interesting, more powerful, more healing.
TRY THIS: Tune within and notice what metaphors or symbols or elements of nature come up for your emotions. (I'm a fire-breathing dragon lady! I feel like a raging fire, a volcanic lava flow.)
What are some of yours? POST THEM HERE, just for fun (and see what others have shared - it's quick).
Healing your abandonment issues requires accepting - and not avoiding painful feelings. Healing invites you to 'step into the fray' and 'face into the storm'. Your healing will match your willingness to be aware of the energy within you in your body and energy field (waaaayyy more than "figuring things out" will).
So what to do? Explore what's going on on the simple level of metaphor. It is super helpful, ANYone can do it, it gets you out of your head, and it gets that darn pain moooving. Like I said, heads go round and round. What you can do with a metaphor can be pretty interesting (not to mention powerful).
TRY THIS: Take your symbol, image or metaphor all the way. Using your imagination, let the energy of your emotions "burn down the forest" or the lava flow into the cooling sea. Observe as the the inner "iceberg" of frozen fear melts into a beautiful alpine pond. Let the hard lump of pain slowly expand into radiant light.
Let your imagination show you how to get that energy moving. Why not spend a day or a week tuning into emotional metaphors. Ideally you can make a habit of it. Tell us about what you tried or tell us your results...it's healing to share and read others examples.
What are some images, symbols or metaphors that help you describe feelings and emotions? Examples are emotional roller-coaster, running hot and cold, cold as a fish, fetal position, hair trigger, walking on eggshells, timid as a mouse, dead inside.
Your descriptions will appear on a Web page exactly the way you type it below. How do your descriptions help you when you are dealing with emotional pain?
Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.
All Sessions Provided by Phone/Skype
Because I am a Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner, insurance is not an option. Published content, sessions, webinars, etc., are not a substitute for psychiatric treatment.