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Fear of abandonment is the result of triggers in your mind body spirit system that can usually be traced to early issues with bonding and/or traumatic relationships. Sometimes it is more subtle, such as parents who were emotionally unavailable.
Your fear is evidence that you carry unresolved feelings and traumas that are calling for healing and resolution.
At its core, fear is powerlessness. All fears come
down to a lack of power. So it follows that empowerment is needed.
When you accept, understand, and learn from your fear you become empowered and it begins to disappear.
Calling fear of abandonment a disorder is disempowering -- and makes things worse.
Implying that "HAVING" or "DOING" fear of abandonment is ITSELF the problem - only serves to scare you..."please don't let anything happen that will make me to feel that way"!
But...there are GOOD REASONS for your feelings. It is not a crazy, unreasonable, unfounded fear. It hurts! It's not what you wanted!
You "learned" from past experiences. Learning from experience
is not a disorder! You can unlearn and relearn. We ALL can!
Its hard to learn when it makes you tense and worried, makes you think you have a disorder, that something is wrong with you.
In everyday life, different degrees of abandonment happen all the time and it feels terrible! Anyone who CAN feel (who isn't numb or in denial) wouldn't want that in a big way.
Who WOULDN’T be afraid of feeling terrible? Realize that you simply haven't learned how to deal with it...YET.
It really IS that simple!
How you see yourself is HUGELY important. Choose one:
Life has a way of showing you what you choose. You are the only one who chooses for you. Keep choosing, always keep choosing.
The reason you have fear is because your brain registered an experience that felt like abandonment. In the present time, it gets triggered anytime it's reminded of possible abandonment (which means it gets triggered by relationships.)
Not good! But your brain is NOT ill, it
is just doing its thing (protecting you) and getting a bit too carried away with it.
Seeing it as an opportunity for learning makes it all easier and it IS the real truth. Your fear is merely proof that you have a traumatic experience that is unresolved. You can learn to relax, resolve it and relearn (and you are obviously a good learner, thanks to your brain!)
Who you are
is BIGGER than triggers!
Five Steps to Heal Your Abandonment Issues
Top of Homepage: Common Relationship Problems
By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.
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