The Five Mindsets You Need
for Successful Relationships
Questions for Digging Deep Into Your Self Help Social Anxiety Project
Do you understand how your social anxiety is connected to how you experience all kinds of relationships? Including family relationships and intimate relationships? Even how you experience yourself? How you relate to yourself? The value that you hold for yourself.
It makes sense, doesn't it? That it is an energy or a vibe that you are carrying (which is NOT your fault or your flaw - not at ALL).
No, it is more like a learned "INNER ENVIRONMENT" that affects your entire life in terribly painful ways that you can't even SEE. Like a fish can't see water.
So these questions...you can apply them to any "social" situations, anxiety with friends, family, and lovers.
As you consider these questions, hold yourself with love and compassion. Something created your hurt...YOU didn't. Self help & social anxiety requires that you take a sort of detached and brave "can do" kind of spirit.
You can think of it like an old war wound, a piece of shrapnel that needs to be removed and cleaned. It isn't YOU...
Questions for Digging Inner Gold - Go Deep Into Your Self Help Social Anxiety Project
Are your memories of relationships mostly memories of feeling insecure?
Does the thought of getting into a relationship bring up expectations of being rejected, hurt, or abandoned?
Do you find yourself attracted to "unavailable" people? A pattern where you are attracted to people who are already taken, not wanting a relationship, moving away, inappropriate or in a position of authority...and so forth?
Have you been with people who are unavailable in some hidden way...can't commit, emotionally distant, mentally stuck in a past relationship, mourning a lost love, endless turmoil, depressed, addicted...and so on?
Do your insecurities and reactions sabotage your relationships? Does your neediness, fear, or distrust create difficulties?
Could your negative expectations and fear of relationships be a "self-fulfilling prophesy"? Do you "create what you are afraid of"?
It helps to get insights on the details of what you are experiencing when you are working on your Self Help Social Anxiety Project
Do you ever stay in a relationship because you figure you are lucky to have one at all, ...that no matter how bad it is, it's better than being alone? and maybe "this is the best you can do"?
Do you live in nagging inner conflict about your relationships and can't get closure?
Are you endlessly trying to find some peace or "rightness" about your relationship? Does your mind go round and round, trying to figure it out? Are you constantly trying to accept or understand it?
When someone seems to ignore you, do you assume rejection?
Do you feel unjustly dismissed? Does it seem that people don't understand you and they make negative, unfair conclusions?
Do you feel you are "not being heard" or "your feelings are not important?"
Do you rage against yourself and believe there must be something wrong with you?
Do you blame your inadequacies? Compare yourself to others?
Does your fear of relationship include fear of intimacy? Do you attract others who afraid of intimacy?
How often does sex include the use of mood-altering substances?
Are you comfortable with looking someone in the eye and quietly speaking from your heart about your feelings or needs?
Is it natural for you to be affectionate while you are "clean and sober"?
Have you noticed that you look outside yourself for love, validation or approval?
Do differences in opinions or values feel bad?
Does your worry about what others think influence your feelings and choices? Are you afraid of what others DO think of you?
Do you get discouraged and/or hostile when you think that you have to change in order to be loved or accepted?
How authentic are you with others, especially those close to you?
Do you need to "prove" yourself?
Are you afraid to just be how you are, right or wrong, good or bad, warts and foibles and all?
Do you tend to cut off or leave relationships rather than work things out?
Are you able to bring things up for discussion? Are you strong as well as flexible in holding your own? Can you "agree to disagree" and stay loving?
Do you attract partners who can communicate positively?
Do you have positive expectations about the outcomes of discussions, or of relationships in general?
Do you accept that differences create the tension and electricity, the dynamic healing power of relationships?
Go to Self Help With Relationships: Healing for the Way You Relate to Relationships
Top of Homepage: Common Relationship Problems
By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.
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Because I am a Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner, insurance is not an option. Published content, sessions, webinars, etc., are not a substitute for psychiatric treatment.