your Innate Strength: You're an...
inner transformation artist

"I am here to evolve"

What is an "Inner Transformation Artist" and what are the strengths that can help me heal abandonment issues?

Your special strength is that it is your nature to use all your experiences to grow.

An Inner Transformation Artist has many gifts but fundamentally it is your nature to use your wounds as a sort of set-up for your higher purpose as an evolving human being. 

There's a world of subtle complexity to it, but a quick example might be: 

People who recover from addictions who then become mentors for people in recovery.

People who survive something like amputations, who then inspire new amputees or those with disabilities. 

Basically, its the quality of overcoming what is often a debilitating situation in a way that strengthens and inspires. It is the resource of great spirit when going against the odds. 

We all have to deal with childhood wounds.  You instinctively understand that wounds and unmet needs from childhood can “either make you or break you.” 

More important than what happens, is how we respond to it.

Your life is an example of how it is possible to become  “older and wiser” from your experiences - rather than damaged and broken by them - this is a significant strength!  

What we do with our wounds
and suffering is the stuff of human spirit

Another strength is how perceptive - and receptive - you are.

Great art and spiritual inspiration are seeded in the idea of the wound letting the light shine through. 

Through acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness, we emerge transformed and empowered, with a depth of wisdom and compassion  which  can only be gained from going through those kinds of ordeals.”
                                 Stephanie Austin

You are on the path of the “Heroine’s (Hero’s) Journey” of shifting out of patterns that were created through early wounds and shifting into resonating with your true Self.

“The Hero’s Journey is a quest for self-transformation, for creative rebirth.
W
e go out and seek, so that we can discover that the seeker
is itself the  
mystery which the seeker seeks to know.”  
Joseph Campbell

You resonate with life as an opportunity to realize the higher qualities of spirit that lead to forgiveness and resilience.

 WHOA!  Is this is all feeling a little over the top, lofty and poetical?

I hear ya...I never saw myself from that perspective until much later in life. But once I did see it, it made sense and it helped SO MUCH.  We define ourselves in the world by our roles or accomplishments. But TRUE life purpose can be so much more...and this truth is instinctive for you.

So, if you are feeling a little overwhelmed with this description, see how this list of qualities fits.

Do these qualities resonate?

  • To be seen, heard, felt, understood, related to, to feel a bond and closeness, to share a vision of the meaning of life - is something I deeply cherish.   

  • I tend to be emotionally attuned to others and want to help them see the love, beauty and power in their experiences.

  • At my best I have creativity, intuition and self-honesty and am drawn to depth and meaning, the poetry and metaphor of our lives.

  • I value the depth, mystery and beauty of the heart over superficial emotions and drama. I value a clear, spacious mind over social chatter. I value presence and receptivity over endless doing.

  • I’m strong, enduring and resilient. I often have insight that sees the light in even the darkest experiences.
    I value the transformation that human struggles can provide.

You may resonate with universal spiritual questions like, “Who am I, really? What is the purpose or meaning of life?”  

You may sense there is “something bigger than you” and your intuitive, open, “felt sense” explores life from the perspective of mystery, depth, meaning, purpose and beauty.  

Before we see how your strengths can help heal
your abandonment issues,

we need to see how they might get in the way

Your sensitive nature makes being born into the “vicissitudes of life” difficult (to say the least!) 

You may have struggled early in life with a lack of feeling connected with your mother (or both of your parents).

You may have felt different than them or that they didn’t see you, attune to you, care about you, like or accept you.

The heart-piercing unreliability of your closest human relationships may have created an experience of pain and separation.

Your loss and pain resulted in a heavy sense of lack.

Children believe the lack of love connection is because they are unlovable (and that something is wrong with them). They eventually disconnect from themselves.

Then, it’s as if everything they need is “out there.”  Everyone ELSE seems to have what they have not - and they blame themselves. They try to create a better self, compare themselves to others and come up short.

Longing for love can become habitually seeking for something missing (including in relationships). Getting lost in ideals (instead of being present with what is) sustains a sense of chronic dissatisfaction.  

Thinking/feeling patterns go into a downward cycle of feeling frustrated, disappointed, uncared for, misunderstood and unappreciated.

Worst of all is your own conviction that you are not lovable, not good enough, don’t matter, are not special enough, are inferior, unworthy, have to change, be or do something in order to deserve love.

Problems are handled with intense emotional expression. The message to others is: "I feel really hurt and I need to express myself.  

When life disappoints a “noble” longing and suffering in service of the ideal becomes a way of being, a way of reaching for connection, at least one way of feeling love.

There can be a core identity of having something oddly wrong with you and intense feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.  Creating a better identity becomes a driving force.

Your empathic nature, attachment to your feelings, and idealism becomes your fatal flaw.

  • Where most people avoid seeing their negative aspects, you do the reverse and can’t see the positive. You can take self-deprecation to the extreme and become identified with being deficient.  Your identity becomes an inferiority complex.
  • Your sense of self becomes based on ever-changing feelings and moods. Withdrawn sensitivity can become your habitual way to deal with life. There’s no space for sensing self as being “centered, stable, confident and grounded.”

  •  Your identity, your “you-ness” feels shaky, a distracting roller-coaster of reactivity and pain. You lose trust in your instincts and inner guidance.

  • You long for an ideal mate who sees you for your true, higher self and  find someone to idealize. But then 
    you become disenchanted when you see they are not the ideal loving presence you think you need.  

  • Love relationships become crucially important to dispel insecurity and to prove that you are lovable but also hold fear of abandonment because “you are not good enough.”

  • Your inner states pull you away from the centering, grounding and “lightness” that fulfilling relationships thrive on.

 

Here’s how you can use your strengths
to help you heal your abandonment issues

It is natural, normal, understandable to long for a deep relationship with someone who will "recognize" you.

But it’s not a foundation for a healthy relationship.

It actually helps to let go of the idea that you need others to understand you. Discover yourself in the depth of your own heart. You have something strong, rare and beautiful to offer (and to receive!)

                         “A man’s head may be filled with knowledge of meaningless
                            worldly matters, he may be familiar with all the sciences,
                            and yet not know his own soul.”   
Rumi

Your kryptonite is emotional reactivity. Apply your perceptive awareness to recognizing when you are being reactive (versus receptive).  

You have choices now (where you did not as a child).

You can develop your innate resources AND put limits on your own weakness.

Notice when your state of being, your loss of SELF is based on what others seem to be doing or thinking. Cultivate your wisdom and maturity.

 “No ripened grape ever became sour again. 
Mature yourself and be secure from a change for the worse.  
Become the light.”
   Rumi

 In a nutshell, your nature is extraordinarily suited for all things “transformational.”  You ARE special and unique and you possess the very qualities needed for evolution and transformation.  

  • Self-observation
  • Self-knowledge
  • Self-development
  • Self-acceptance
  • Courage
  • Resilience
  • Trust
  • Intuition
  • Sensitivity
  • Depth
  • Unflinching desire for truth and wholeness

The trick is to shift what you are resonating with 
so your energy works for you instead of against you

Your wounds have you dwelling on past injuries and fear of being hurt. They created an pattern of withdrawal and pushing away, a filter where you see yourself as more inherently flawed than others.

As you begin to shift and gain clarity about your patterns, you begin to have a choice about how much you identity with them.

      “God’s purpose for man is to acquire
               a seeing eye 
and understanding heart.”   Rumi

The paradox is the peace that acceptance brings. While you face and heal your pain you accept that the real you is whole and nothing is inherently wrong with YOU.

Your path of transformation can be lonely (developing your self, finding your True Self) is not the norm and is often not held in high regard. It isn't easy but remember, you do yourself great injustice when you imagine yourself either better than OR worse than.

In a world of people chasing the brass ring of status, it is understandable that not having your heart in that game can be deeply challenging and feel terrible.  

Before you can find yourself and discover who you TRULY are,
you need to discover what you are NOT

Remind yourself often that:

  • You are not your feelings
  • You are not your thoughts
  • You are not your disappointment
  • You are not your longing
  • You are not your wounds, not the cause of your wounds, nor are you the healer of wounds
  • You are not your relationships
  • You are not an identity
  • You are not defined by how others respond to you
  • You are not your insecurities

HOW TO SHIFT YOUR PATTERNS AND RELEASE OLD PAIN

Magic happens when you choose to become aware of your tendencies without judgment.

Take notice of what happens when you lose your connection with your “SELF” and when you get lost in feeling hurt.  Notice your habit of comparing yourself to others.

Shift away from needing a solid “worldly” identity and toward “being” - which experiences life as a process of growth and a flow of depth, intimacy, beauty, meaning and mystery. This is a fundamental spiritual teaching and you were born knowing it. Remember it!

Practice processing emotions on a physical (vs mental) level.  Practice “PRESENCE”. Shift into being fully present with the physical sensations of all emotion without getting lost in it.

“Those who are doomed to become artists are seldom blessed 
with equanimity. They are tossed to drunken heights, 
only to be 
brought down into a sludge of headachy despair; 
their arrogance gives way 
to humiliation 
at the next curve of the switchback.
” 

—Patrick White,  Flaws in the Glass, 1983

DEVELOP equanimity as a way of being. Equanimity allows you to have your feelings (important) without allowing them to get in the way of your relationship with others. It also allows you to be in positive relationship with yourself and connect with your inner source.

You are blessed with above average self-knowledge and awareness. This is all you need;  Don't try to change your reactions, it is enough to see them more clearly. When you are aware that YOU are more than a momentary reaction, you are invoking rue presence.

Develop body sensation awareness and shift away from delving into mental attempts to understand and make meaning out of feelings. (Often creates a mental/emotional looping that takes you out of being present and in your body).

Be aware of the harshness of your own self-talk. Become a friend to yourself. Have compassion for your hurts. Seriously…do this for yourself.

You may not “reach for the brass ring” of success like most. But, do you then compare yourself and come up short? This is self-sabotage and a losing game! Comparing is a lose-lose proposition, be strict about not allowing it. Dare to not compare!

“In your envy you complain, “I am inferior to so and so. 
Their superiority exaggerates my inferiority.”  
Indeed envy is a defect; in itself it is worse than any inferiority.” 
Rumi

The antidote for your inferiority complex is to experience your own powerful, life-enhancing capacities. Take practical action, adopt a positive outlook, refuse to be controlled by ever-changing feelings. Learn to surrender to a life of balanced self-discipline. Avoid putting things off until you are "in the right mood."

Simply put, balance your feeling nature with qualities that will help you feel good about yourself. Balance your tendencies with the "opposite" qualities such as structure and discipline, respect, principle, honor.

Simply refuse to allow your feeling nature to have such a strong influence on you.

 The human spirit is in reality awareness 
that has been honed by tests and trials.  
Those who have greater awareness
have greater spirits.”
Rumi


You have great awareness and great spirit and the world truly needs you

The world needs you to find your voice, to stand strong in who you are,
to OWN your gifts (while being humble and inclusive)

Offer yourself firm, disciplined support

Develop an inner parent for your inner child

Practice tough love (for yourself AND others)

Listen to yourself with respect

You be there for YOU

Let's assume that what you've been through HAS made you stronger and wiser, HAS transformed you. Let's assume that after taking a clear-eyed, objective look at the patterns you've been living, you can now re-set your intentions.

Let's assume that while in the past you may have been "abandoning" yourself and looking "out there" for support and reassurance, that you now HAVE the maturity that is woven into your special strengths.

Let's assume that your new intentions reflect your newly discovered strengths:

~So you can be the best you - regardless of your current relationship status
~So you can be the kind of person who attracts a healthy partner
~So you can navigate the ups and downs of relationship
~So you KNOW that every experience helps you learn and grow, deepen and strengthen. 

And THAT, my dear, makes you one hella desirable partner! 


Hi,  I’m Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.

The unique strength I have to offer you is a laser-direct and proven whole-being approach to healing painful, embarrassing abandonment issues.

It wasn’t until my third marriage at age 45 that I discovered what abandonment issues were (and that I HAD THEM!)

I KNEW there was something out of whack with me and my relationships. I used to say I needed so much healing that I had to be a practitioner so I could get some every day.  

Even so, finally discovering “abandonment issues” was a big piece--And this was after being a certified holistic healing practitioner for 9 years!

Soon, I had clients eager to work on their abandonment issues with me.  

Ever since then, for about 9 years now,  I’ve studied every angle of abandonment issues imaginable. Adverse childhood experiences, trauma, attachment issues, spirituality, psychology (of course) consciousness, neurology… there’s more but you get the idea.

I would discover a new angle, immerse myself in study, apply it to myself, and gain clarity about the principles and patterns. Then the clients that needed it would show up.   

And I’ve had great success in the healing that my process brings. So much so that , for many years I believed that the deep, holistic healing of abandonment issues was the total solution.

But there were non-coherent patterns in my own and clients’ personalities that I’d see over and over regardless of their individual history.

The “personality” patterns had “blind spots” that could make a real mess of things, that would block the full potential of being, and that were not the results of abandonment or trauma.

I discovered that human personalities have a spectrum from non-coherent to highly coherent.  I discovered the secrets of “personality coherence” that are actually connections to your higher, true Self. 

What Do My Clients Say?...

"Quite amazing!! It’s always been hard for me to allow myself to feel all the feelings because I stuff ‘em down, usually. I’d say in general, I feel more in touch with my feminine side. I am also giving myself permission to buy things I really want and have things the way I want them. it seems I am feeling more “deserving” —of emotions, of things, of whatever."  Kristine - Real Estate Agent, Entrepreneur, Mother

~~~

"Deep and lasting positive change.  Laura's work is a real gift to me. I do traditional therapy to all kind of healing work. I'm in that field myself and I'm discerning. Laura's work is a super valuable part of my personal growth regimen. The changes that occur in our phone sessions are deep and long-lasting. Permanent I would say." Asenath

~~~ 

Game Changer!  Sessions with Laura changed the course of my life. After talk-therapy for ten years I felt like I was talking in circles. I had loss and trauma that seemed impossible to overcome. I learned how to truly love and accept myself which changed the course of my career, gently began to soften the loss and trauma, and made my relationship that was on the verge of ending not only possible, but more joyful and stable than ever.  Aimee' - NYC Actress & Director

~~~

Completely Different - I feel like Laura is working on an entirely different energetic level rather than just with the mind. So far it has been an amazing experience and I am feeling optimistic about the future.  Caroline, UK Social Services

      Life delivers “abandonment” challenges regardless of our stage in life.

Once we’ve released the triggers of unresolved abandonment we’re ready to begin developing resonance with our true selves --and then the pain of abandonment become opportunities for growth.

Schedule your free 30 minute consultation to discover exactly how I can help you shift into your unique power and release the patterns and blocks that are holding you back..

Let’s talk and explore how my work can help you. You can reserve your free consultation with a $10 deposit (refunded upon completion). There is never any pressure to buy because what I offer requires your commitment on a deep, personal level.

Are you ready to heal?

Click here to schedule a free consultation