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More on the Quiz:
how Abandonment Issues affect your relationships
I automatically over-react
and I am unable to act differently
Reactions cut off the ability to learn and grow: How my holistic healing approach helps
Unresolved relationship issues from the past trigger a "life or death" intensity of reactions because your rational mind is literally bypassed. You go into an ancient pattern of survival. You can lose your ability to think, get centered or communicate.
This is super tough to deal with because there is shame around your behaviors. Most people have been judged and rejected about it in heart-breaking ways. That becomes shame about who they are...AND that won't help!
Before we look at the underlying causes and cures:
- Take a moment to acknowledge that you don't WANT to be this way.
- There are legitimate reasons why this is happening. Appreciate that you care deeply and that you are a wonderfully honest and feeling person.
- If you approach this with shame and blame, it creates a tension that doesn't support you. YOU NEED SUPPORT.
- Just for now, understand that you can't help it. But you want to learn. Believe me, that gives you a great advantage!!
What can cause this kind of getting stuck in over-reactions?
A combination of your loving, passionate nature, your deep desire for connected relationships, and past traumas.
Past traumas can be from relationship wounds, needs not being met or even neglect or abuse. When you feel upset, you literally cannot think straight. You can't communicate well. You can't get things resolved. You may have been in relationship with a reactive person in your childhood.
Reactions cut off the ability to learn and grow but my holistic healing approach can:
- Identify exactly what happened that created the reactive response
- Release the pain and trauma
- Get completion and resolution so that triggers wither away
- Develop awareness and choice in the heat of the moment
- Learn how to communicate
- Learn to recognize your deepest needs
- Develop trust in your capacity for healing and growth, especially in relationships
I am distrustful and suspicious and I can't stop!
(You aren't crazy)
How can you separate fact from fiction? What if you should distrust?
What if you are wrong? What if your fear IS the problem?
What can be done in this double bind?
It's ok to be afraid. What do you need so you can move forward?Suspicion and distrust can make you feel crazy but I promise you are not. Think about this:
MOST songs and movies about love are "done me wrong songs."
MOST marriages end in divorce
MANY people cheat.
How many people have you seen get hurt?
The simple truth is...you'd be crazy not to have concerns! So what to do?
The solution is not an overnight fix by any means. BUT I CAN HELP YOU:
- Identify what has happened in your past (even the unconscious parts) to you or to others. And resolve, release, and get complete with the inner pain and trauma. (As always, a good place to start. )
- Then practice with facing fear and holding it...making friends with it, bringing your presence to it, is another good place to start.
- Letting go of unconscious beliefs about being dependent on the behavior of another is invaluable in every aspect of life.
- Learning to trust that YOU ARE OK is another beautiful benefit of doing this important healing work.
- Ultimately, there is a vast and peaceful place where you can rest and trust life itself.
Experience trusting the unfolding life process of challenges and growth that is life, love, and relationships. Wonderful...highly recommended!
I over-give and put other's needs before mine
You don't have to give to be lovable. And no, it isn't selfish!
A LOT of my clients - the ones who search online for healing abandonment issues - are those who give.
- Those who are oriented to the OTHER.
- Those who don't know how to tune into their own needs.
- Who don't realize that over-giving can't work.
And their hearts have been broken because their unconscious strategy for DESERVING love blew up in their face. Again.
I help them learn to love and take care of themselves. It sounds easy but...
This is tricky because they truly have generous hearts but they can fall in the trap of a false sense of personal abundance.
They may be so focused outside themselves they don't see their own needs and they end up being needy but unable to see it or deal with it.
Theirelationships have a strange way of only going so far...
We can all fall into that trap if we aren't careful, even if we have a healthy selfishness! It is unconscious and we do it to ourselves! It takes a deep inner shift, a new paradigm, a radical honesty. And trusting "life and the universe" to take care of it's own (without us having to do it).
I help people release the patterns, beliefs and fears that uphold this pattern. And to shift into what is healthy and sustainable - so they can attract the long-term healthy, committed relationship they need and deserve.