Shoving little hurts under the rug...it implodes!
A lifetime and family history of shoving little hurts under the rug, it does explode, erode and corrode! (And then implode). This has been a problem my whole life and I am only starting to see the value in being vigilant - and to believe it it might be worth taking the risk to be engaged with the little hurts. I have some faith in the potential for deeper bonding because of making the effort.
It is only recently that I can be aware in the moment when I feel hurt and am stuffing. Often it feels like an inopportune time to address it. But there is great loss in not being immediately responsive...one can at least say..."this is what I am experiencing and we need to talk about it ASAP".
I have been sad that a long term friend had not reached out to me about a serious issue (alcoholism) which she successfully covered up ...and it got really bad the last couple of years and I did not know. I realized I had not shared in totally honest ways either...most of us are reluctant to burden our friends, whine, complain etc...and since I always want to be helpful, I tend to come across as having it "together," which believe me, there have been years when I was holding on by my teeth. So, in other words, I can see how my not being vulnerable with her...made it less likely that she would be vulnerable with me.
Suffice it to say, your offering is supremely helpful. I look forward to passing it on.
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By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.
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