Your special strength is that it is your nature to give and receive support - and you do both so well it puts you in "the winner's circle". On a heart level, you see what needs to be done and commit yourself to action. You put "whatever it takes" on higher ground than superficial "looking good" or "being right."
These qualities make you a great relationship partner (and parent, and child, and worker bee, and friend, and ....!)
Your skills come so naturally that you may take your highly desirable qualities for granted and may not realize just how much "you got it going on."
Your nature is to be prepared for "eventualities". It also means that your tendency is to mentally live in “what could go wrong” mentality that can morph into a draining tension, anxiety, worry, busy mind, doubting - and so on.
It’s a survival pattern that makes you a great problem-solver.
Nothing wrong with survival! But left to its own devices, your mental orientation can knock you off-balance. It can keep you in a habitual state of dealing with life from a place of stress.
That unpleasant apprehension gets old quick and can take a toll on relationships in the long run.
Constantly contending with this can become a downward spiral that begins to feel “normal.” It can suck you into self-doubt and block your connection with yourself.
There’s a veritable committee of doubting, second-guessing voices in your head. This can take the form of seeing problems that aren’t there and difficulty making or committing to a decision. Again, from a relationship point of view, it can suck out all the fun.
You lose your ability to trust yourself so you seek outside sources that you can trust. You need to be reassured. You desperately want security and try to ensure it for yourself. You fear letting others down and losing their support.
Lack of confidence and belief in yourself can become the very thing creating the problems you want to prevent.
But then, how do you know for sure? You doubt - and then doubt your doubt.
Your inner experience becomes “Yes, but” and “What will I do if...?” You scare yourself, lose touch with your strengths, don’t feel reliable or successful. You vacillate, second guess, and undermine yourself.
Your doubt and second-guessing comes at you from many directions. There’s internal conflict and debate, analyzing, “monkey mind.” You become even more desperate for structure, stability, a future.
Before we dive into solutions, let’s take a look at how your patterns affect your relationships
Of course, given how much you value security and stability and teamwork, it’s understandable that you feel the need for “a sure thing.”
But ask yourself...Do you OFFER that?
Do you want a partner to provide that FOR you? A partner supporting you so you can “remember yourself”?
I probably don't have to spell it out for you, but it isn't very attractive. Plus, insecurity spreads and can put even a solid relationship on a slippery slope.
Remind yourself that when your patterns run the show you are not actually available as a full adult partner. Instead of focusing on the circumstances of your worry,
put your focus on healing what is inside you that sustains your patterns.
Catch your mind assuming or preparing for the worst and realize it’s a mind trip, a pattern, not reality.
You are probably aware of the negative effects of these patterns on your relationships, how they create distance and may even be a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Compassionately notice how your desire for security may have you choosing a “sure thing” over your “true desire.” Or keep you in a bad situation rather than go it alone.
"Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself
and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of
your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you
can see forever." Nancy Lopez, Professional Golfer
Hey, speaking of patterns and MIND tricks...sometime when you are in “reality check mode”, ponder this... how did it come about that you can’t trust? You can look at distrust, which is trusting in not trusting. There are usually two prime factors.
One is the people and relationships in your past and their influence on your ability to trust.
The second is you. Yes, you. And how YOU, your unique you-ness, may be sensitive to avoiding mistakes - or things going wrong - or blaming yourself - or needing life to feel in control...what do you notice?
It may be that you are looking for security, structure, trust or guidance in all the wrong places.
“A man who doesn’t trust himself can never really trust anyone else.” Cardinal De Retz
Can you see the Catch 22? If you need someone or something out there to rely on, but you can’t rely on yourself, how can you rely on what you decide to rely on?
It isn’t that you can’t rely on you. It’s that you’ve been trying to rely on the wrong PART of you.
Your MIND is good at survival, good at anticipating and preparing for potential difficulties. But your mind - especially when it comes to intimate relationships - needs YOU to be present. And YOU are NOT your mind.
“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.” Robin Sharma
“Fear is part and parcel of the mind.
Therefore, fear and genuine love cannot go together.
As the depth of love increases
the intensity of fear slowly decreases.”
~Amma~ (Mata Amritanandamayi, the hugging saint)
Understand that the busy mind only gets busier! Focus on your body and being present in your body.
When you learn to find your inner stillness, your awareness is touched from the inside out. You can get oriented to a deep source of intelligence and intuitive inner knowing. You can gather your considerable resources.
You can apply your innate strengths of competence, trustworthiness and perseverance to your personal development. In a very real sense, you invest yourself in yourself before you invest yourself in OUT THERE.
Maybe stuff that happened in the past set up a pattern (that has you selling yourself short!)
“Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough,
is true security to be found.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh
You can apply yourself to developing better responses to what life brings. You can recruit YOURSELF, your body and your heart along with your quiet, still mind.
Learn how to develop PRESENCE. Be fully present with your habitual responses and gently redirect them into a higher quality of awareness.
You naturally have a beautiful quality of "awakeness". Cultivate it so that is nourishing and reassuring and connected with your intuitive, deeper intelligence. Develop the relationship you have with your sense of trust or faith or surrender or acceptance.
Is it easy to trust? It’s easier than NOT trusting. It’s more fun than doubting your doubt. Especially when you bring your practical, detail-oriented, competent, wise self into it.
You can train yourself to have a FELT sense of trust in body, heart and mind. It’s more than trusting yourself, it is trusting your ok-ness in this thing called life.
You can learn to know yourself as more than a small, surviving body of fear and doubt. You can stop scaring yourself and throwing yourself off balance.
Imagine feeling (knowing - trusting) that you are REALLY good at participating in life. Imagine experiencing yourself as a “centered self” -- a SELF that knows guidance is within you and is ever unfolding.
What would you feel like if you had a full-body knowing that you are plugged in, that you belong in the biggest and deepest reality of life? That life, and YOU, are constantly transforming, always in process.
THAT is your actual gift. If you look at your innate strengths from this viewpoint, you see that serving the greater good is what you are about. When you “plug into yourself” you also plug into what you are here to do and be.
And like everything else, you are good at it! People trust you and want you on their team. You have the strength it takes to learn from experience. You know how to be an inspired leader and make a lot of parts work together. You are a natural at making life "safe." Let that in!
Hi, I’m Laura
Life is constantly unfolding and there’s always opportunities for more healing, well being, AND healthy relationships.
We have the power to claim what’s natural for us as human beings.
We know something's not right when things are ugly, twisted and small. We also know that we can love, trust, express our inner selves, enjoy stability, and be embraced by a community.
Trust your heart, it’s time to make a choice. Trust that you are not a victim of your outer circumstances.
My life experiences made me who I am today. I have excellent relationships with my parents (my mother and I couldn't get along for decades) and I made peace with the fact that my son has a difficult path.
Not to mention, I met my current husband (14 years in 2019) (possibly the most loving, generous,gentle, stable, nurturing, likable guy on this planet) the moment I decided to accept my failures and own my power to heal, to love and to do what it takes to be happy.
After 18 years, Resonance Repatterning™ still has the power to drop me to my knees in awe and gratitude. It, combined with sessions with clients over hundreds of sessions, has truly healed me.
To err is human. So is to heal, to hope, and to love.
Now it’s your turn…
It’s up to you to invest in yourself. Self-worth and self-respect is an inside job. Nobody can give it to you. Choose to heal from the inside out.
If you’re reading this you know you want something better. Trust your heart and find a way. You, and only you, have the power to invite it into your life.
Doesn't it make sense that what finally helps is something "out of the box?"