Your innate strength is: You’re a
Wise Ally

"I'm the team player
(extraordinaire!)"

What is a "Wise Ally" and what are the strengths that can help me heal abandonment issues?

Your special strength is that it is your nature to give and receive support - and you do both so well it puts you in "the winner's circle".  

Your skills come so naturally that you may take your highly desirable qualities for granted and may not realize just how much "you got it going on."

    Your experience of life is grounded, practical, balanced, and confident. 
    You make your responsibilities your priority. 
    You have a lot of heart and inner-knowing in how you see what needs to be done and commit yourself to action. 
    You’re no prima donna. You know that “Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.” 
    You are willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn from them and move on. That's an awesome form of personal courage that you may take for granted.   
    You are a great person to have on a team (and a really great partner, friend and family member) because you pay attention, you care about getting things done right and you are ready and willing to learn. 
    Not only are you good at what you do, you also (maybe without realizing it) develop a deep expertise to whatever you commit yourself to. 

Before we see how your strengths can help heal 
your abandonment issues,

we need to see how they might get in the way

Your nature is to be prepared for difficulties.  It also means that your tendency is to mentally veer into “what could go wrong.” It’s a survival pattern that makes you a great problem solver.

Nothing wrong with survival!  But left to its own devices, your mental orientation can knock you off-balance. It can keep you in a habitual state of dealing with life from a place of stress.

That unpleasant angst, worry, anxiety, trepidation and apprehension gets old quick and can take a toll on relationships in the long run.

Constantly contending with this can become a downward spiral that begins to feel “normal.”  It can suck you into self-doubt and block your connection with yourself.

There’s a veritable committee of doubting, second-guessing voices in your head. This can take the form of seeing problems that aren’t there and difficulty making or committing to a decision. Again, from a relationship point of view, it can suck out all the fun.

You lose your ability to trust yourself so you seek outside sources that you can trust. You need to be reassured. You desperately want security and try to ensure it for yourself. You fear letting others down and losing their support.  

Lack of confidence and belief in yourself can become the very thing creating the problems you want to prevent.  

But then, how do you know for sure? You doubt - and then doubt your doubt.

Your inner experience becomes “Yes, but”  and “What will I do if...?”  You scare yourself, lose touch with your strengths, don’t feel reliable or successful. You vacillate, second guess, and undermine yourself.

Your doubt and second-guessing comes at you from many directions. There’s internal conflict and debate, analyzing, “monkey mind.”  You become even more desperate for structure, stability, a future.

Before we dive into solutions, let’s take a look at how your patterns affect your relationships

Of course, given how much you value security and stability and teamwork, it’s understandable that you feel the need for “a sure thing.”   

But ask yourself...Do you OFFER that?

Do you want a partner to provide that FOR you? A partner supporting you so you can “remember yourself”?  

I probably don't have to spell it out for you, but it isn't very attractive. Plus, insecurity spreads and can put even a solid relationship on a slippery slope. 

When you are in the grip of doubt, can you “call yourself back” and remember that this is “what you do” when you forget yourself?  Can you do a “reality check” for yourself and understand that you are probably projecting your doubts about yourself, the world and the future onto your relationships?  

TRY THIS:

Make a “reality check list.” Then, before you go over the abyss, before you approach your partner, go over it privately.

The FIRST purpose is recognition. Recognize that “yep, it happened again.” That old familiar pattern has you in it’s clutches and you ALMOST  “lost connection to self,” and almost fell into the grip of a personality fixation pattern.

Yes, it SEEMS so real, but in fact, PATTERNS ARE NOT REALITY.  They are patterns, fixations, old neural networks and triggered coping mechanisms.

These patterns developed a LONG long time ago, when you were too little to know any better, when you didn’t have other choices. These are initial steps to help “break the trance.”

The SECOND purpose is awareness. With awareness, there is actually MORE OF “YOU” present and able to make choices.  It isn’t easy or comfortable but your job is to be aware OF the pattern and to allow the possibility that “YOU” are NOT the pattern.

The THIRD purpose is space. Sit in your body, breathe, and be aware of the sensations in your body. Simply hold your space. You ARE okay in this moment.

In this newly claimed space is the potential to change your reality.

The best way to predict your future is to create it.  Abraham Lincoln

So as you read your “reality check list” with awareness and space, trust that the journey of your lifetime begins with the first step. You can do this!    

Remind yourself that when your patterns run the show you are not actually available as a full adult partner.  Instead of focusing on the circumstances of your worry, put your focus on healing what is inside you that sustains your patterns.

Can you recognize that what is really happening is that you’ve fallen into a old pattern of being fearful and needy of reassurance from your partner?  

Notice:

  • if you vacillate in your commitment to your relationships,
  • send mixed messages or
  • mentally debate “what ifs” endlessly

Catch your mind assuming or preparing for the worst and realize it’s a mind trip, a pattern, not reality.

You are probably aware of the negative effects of these patterns on your relationships, how they create distance and may even be a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” 

Compassionately notice how your desire for security may have you choosing a “sure thing” over your “true desire.” Or keep you in a bad situation rather than go it alone.

                    "Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself
                      and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of
                      your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you
                      can see forever."
 Nancy Lopez, Professional Golfer

There are two moments that helped me break through when I was struggling.  I hesitate to put them here outside the container of a session (where I can ask/muscle check your system if this is helpful for you). But consider it an experiment and see if they resonate.

One:  When I was in the grip of fear and mentally bouncing off the walls, and I had convinced myself my marriage was over, the only thing left was for me to remember that I would keep on keeping on. I would still drink my coffee and get dressed... ETC.   It sounds silly but it helped. My mind knew that life would go on and “I” would continue to be.  

Weird, huh?  (Yeah, its the MIND. Ya REALLY need to learn the mind tricks...big time.)

But what this points to is that my mind patterns had taken me to such an abyss that basic re-grounding helped. My mind was creating a “shock” episode. My marriage WAS FINE. It was all me.

Two:  Several decades earlier, again when I was in this tortuous ANGST kind of place and felt like I couldn’t take it anymore and I couldn’t find any way out and absolutely nothing about me or life or anyone was ok…

I had done a lot of reading about near-death experiences.  I had a lot of curiosity about that - I think I needed something to hold onto that was more than everyday circumstances like a career or relationship.

I had this realization that I can’t NOT exist.

That realization was huge. I can’t NOT exist. I am conscious of being. I’m a permanent being.  So now what?

And that morphed into a full body spontaneous recognition of what is called Essence or Being or Presence.  It is capital “F” Faith. The only thing I saw to do was to face life and learn from my experiences as I go.  

I realized I can’t do it wrong and I can’t do it right, either. And who’s counting? Who cares? The voices in my head?

To my extreme mortification, I grow wiser everyday.   Anonymous


Hey, speaking of patterns and MIND tricks...sometime when you are in “reality check mode”, some points to ponder, to look at objectively, is how it might have come about that you can’t trust.

You can look at distrust, which is of course trust in not trusting.

There are usually at two prime factors.  One is the people and relationships in your past and their influence on your trust.

The second is you. Yes, you. And how YOU, your unique you-ness, may be wired or sensitive to avoiding “mistakes.”

Here’s how you can use your strengths to heal your abandonment issues

It may be that you are looking for security, trust or guidance in all the wrong places.

“A man who doesn’t trust himself can never really trust anyone else.”  Cardinal De Retz

Can you see the Catch 22?  If you need someone or something out there to rely on, but you can’t rely on yourself, how can you rely on what you decide to rely on?  

It isn’t that you can’t rely on you.  It’s that you’ve been trying to rely on the wrong PART of you.


How to let go of the need for control
and start RE-building trust in yourself

Your MIND is good at survival, good at anticipating and preparing for potential difficulties. But your mind - especially when it comes to intimate relationships - needs YOU to be present. And YOU are NOT your mind.

“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.” Robin Sharma

  • What if…(one of your favorite questions!).  What IF instead of an internal backdrop of mental activity (that takes you nowhere) you could have inner quiet?
  • What if you could cultivate a quiet mind - where you can think more clearly and be more aware of what
    is truly happening and access true wisdom?
  • What if you could switch the priority of your focus to what is happening INSIDE you? And stop scaring yourself. And build a real INNER foundation?

       You can

“Fear is part and parcel of the mind. Therefore, fear and genuine love
cannot go together. As the depth of love increases
the intensity of fear slowly decreases.”
 
~Amma~ (Mata Amritanandamayi, the hugging saint)

Make inner stillness a priority.
Take steps to resolve the inner static and learn practices that support stillness.
Stillness, presence, essence, is the antidote to busy mind.
Stillness is actually what busy mind is trying so hard to accomplish.

Understand that the busy mind only gets busier!  Focus on your body and being present in your body.

When you learn to find your inner stillness, your awareness is touched from the inside out. You can get oriented to a deep source of intelligence and intuitive inner knowing. You can gather your considerable resources.

You can apply your innate strengths of competence, trustworthiness and perseverance to your personal development. In a very real sense, you invest yourself in yourself before you invest yourself in OUT THERE.

Maybe stuff that happened in the past set up a pattern (that has you selling yourself short!)

Only in growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough,
is true security to be found.”
 Anne Morrow Lindbergh

You can apply yourself to developing better responses to what life brings. You can recruit YOURSELF, your body and your heart along with your quiet, still mind.

Learn how to develop PRESENCE. Be fully present with your habitual responses and gently redirect them into a higher quality of awareness.

You naturally have a beautiful quality of "awakeness". Cultivate it so that is nourishing and reassuring and connected with your intuitive, deeper intelligence. Develop your relationship with trust.

Is it easy to trust? It’s easier than NOT trusting. It’s more fun than doubting your doubt.  Especially when you bring your practical, detail-oriented, competent, wise self into it.

You can train yourself to have a FELT sense of trust in body, heart and mind. It’s more than trusting yourself, it is trusting your ok-ness in this thing called life.

You can learn to know yourself as more than a small, surviving body of fear and doubt. You can stop scaring yourself and throwing yourself off balance.

Imagine feeling (knowing - trusting) that you are REALLY good at participating in life.  Imagine experiencing yourself as a “centered self” --that knows guidance is within you and is ever unfolding. 

What would you feel like if you had a full-body knowing that you are plugged in, that you belong in the biggest and deepest reality of life? That life, and YOU, are constantly transforming, always in process. 

THAT is your actual gift. If you look at your innate strengths from this viewpoint, you see that serving the greater good is what you are about. When you “plug into yourself” you also plug into what you are here to do and be.

And like everything else, you are good at it! People trust you and want you on their team. You have the strength it takes to learn from experience. You know how to be an inspired leader and make a lot of parts work together.

Hi,  I’m Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., C.R.R.P.

The unique strength I have to offer you is a laser-direct and proven whole-being approach to healing painful, embarrassing abandonment issues.

It wasn’t until my third marriage at age 45 that I discovered what abandonment issues were (and that I HAD THEM!)

I KNEW there was something out of whack with me and my relationships. I used to say I needed so much healing that I had to be a practitioner so I could get some every day.  

Even so, finally discovering “abandonment issues” was a big piece--And this was after being a certified holistic healing practitioner for 9 years!

Soon, I had clients eager to work on their abandonment issues with me.  

Ever since then, for about 9 years now,  I’ve studied every angle of abandonment issues imaginable. Adverse childhood experiences, trauma, attachment issues, spirituality, psychology (of course) consciousness, neurology… there’s more but you get the idea.

I would discover a new angle, immerse myself in study, apply it to myself, and gain clarity about the principles and patterns. Then the clients that needed it would show up.   

And I’ve had great success in the healing that my process brings. So much so that , for many years I believed that the deep, holistic healing of abandonment issues was the total solution.

But there were non-coherent patterns in my own and clients’ personalities that I’d see over and over regardless of their individual history.

The “personality” patterns had “blind spots” that could make a real mess of things, that would block the full potential of being, and that were not the results of abandonment or trauma.

I discovered that human personalities have a spectrum from non-coherent to highly coherent.  I discovered the secrets of “personality coherence” that are actually connections to the Higher Self.

Life delivers “abandonment” challenges regardless of our stage in life.

Once we’ve released the triggers of unresolved abandonment we’re ready to begin developing resonance with our higher selves --and then life’s abandonment challenges become opportunities for growth.

Schedule your free 30 minute consultation to discover exactly how I can help you shift into your unique power and release the patterns and blocks that are holding you back..

Let’s talk and explore how my work can help you. You can reserve your free consultation with a $10 deposit (refunded upon completion). There is never any pressure to buy because what I offer requires your commitment on a deep, personal level.

"Quite amazing!! It’s always been hard for me to allow myself to feel all the feelings because I stuff ‘em down, usually. I’d say in general, I feel more in touch with my feminine side. I am also giving myself permission to buy things I really want and have things the way I want them. it seems I am feeling more “deserving” —of emotions, of things, of whatever."  Kristine - Real Estate Agent, Entrepreneur, Mother

~~~

"Deep and lasting positive change.  Laura's work is a real gift to me. I do traditional therapy to all kind of healing work. I'm in that field myself and I'm discerning. Laura's work is a super valuable part of my personal growth regimen. The changes that occur in our phone sessions are deep and long-lasting. Permanent I would say." Asenath

~~~ 

Game Changer!  Sessions with Laura changed the course of my life. After talk-therapy for ten years I felt like I was talking in circles. I had loss and trauma that seemed impossible to overcome. I learned how to truly love and accept myself which changed the course of my career, gently began to soften the loss and trauma, and made my relationship that was on the verge of ending not only possible, but more joyful and stable than ever.  Aimee' - NYC Actress & Director

~~~

Completely Different - I feel like Laura is working on an entirely different energetic level rather than just with the mind. So far it has been an amazing experience and I am feeling optimistic about the future.  Caroline, UK Social Services

Life delivers “abandonment” challenges regardless of our stage in life.

Once we’ve released the triggers of unresolved abandonment we’re ready to begin developing resonance with our true selves --and then the pain of abandonment become opportunities for growth.

Schedule your free 30 minute consultation to discover exactly how I can help you shift into your unique power and release the patterns and blocks that are holding you back..

Let’s talk and explore how my work can help you. You can reserve your free consultation with a $10 deposit (refunded upon completion). There is never any pressure to buy because what I offer requires your commitment on a deep, personal level.

Click here to schedule a free consultation