Your Abandonment Issues
How To Heal & Repattern the Root Causes 

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The power in your abandonment issues is when it motivates you to change.

When it comes to abandonment issues, each of you has your own personal situation, history, hurts, hopes, strengths and possibilities. I promise that whatever you want to heal, it is not too big (or too small) for repatterning to help.

No matter what it is, if you look for progress and not perfection, I can help you. Because if you can make even a tiny INCH of progress, then you can do more and make MILES...

What is the relationship or abandonment issue problem you're dealing with? What's your biggest struggle regarding healing? 

Abandonment issues are a means for personal growth when you resonate with being empowered. 

When a baby is learning to walk, it repeatedly falls down and gets back up. Is that a problem?  Or is it the getting up that builds the muscle and bone strength needed for walking?

When you repattern your abandonment issues, you are strengthening your sense of empowerment (similar to the baby becoming stronger from the process of learning to walk). 

When you are seeking to change (as in your abandonment issues) it means you are seeking to learn (as in the toddler). 

Every abandonment issue involves at least one UNMET need that must be identified.  

Getting clear on your needs begins the process of shifting into resonating with getting your needs met.

If you don't resonate with getting your needs met, well.... what happens is:

    a. Unconsciously trying to get needs met in unhealthy ways.
    b. Supressing needs creates unhealthy consequences.
    c. Highly charged negative feelings get triggered and overlaid on the present.

• Resistance
• Regrets
• Resentment
• Fear
• Self-pity
• Grief
• Anger
• Negative judgments

Relationship problems and abandonment issues are often related to trying to get needs met -- but in disempowered, unhealthy ways. It's understandable -- but still, not a healthy or happy way to be in relationships.

NEEDS!  As a child, my physical needs were met (but stressed my mother to the point where the other needs were not). "NEEDS" beyond survival were simply not respected. This is common, maybe more common than not, mainly because life has been a struggle to survive and hence the pyramid.

But the needs above survival ARE there all along. And we can be grateful to survive AND honor our "higher" needs. Needs are called needs cuz they make themselves known, one way or another. And there is soooo much pressure to dismiss, deny, judge and shame them. 

Abandonment issues ARE unmet needs. Reactions, fears, insecurity, all of it are unmet needs interwoven with other needs. And needs run the show, truly. 

Identifying the key or core unmet need related to the problem is included in every repatterning. "Triggers" are activated unmet needs from the past that haven't been resolved. 

Working with people in sessions has shown me how much "stuff" is attached to needs. People have difficulty "owning" their needs - often because there's blame of self or others.

They might assume someone else must meet their needs or that their issues are because their needs were not met in childhood. (I certainly thought that!)

This was true in childhood, now in adulthood, our issues are "because" we haven't done our inner healing so we can resonate with meeting our own needs.  

AND when people hear that, they assume I'm saying to be ultra independent. Nope... that isn't it either.

Interdependent is the goal. Strength combined with vulnerability may be one way to put it.

Resonance Repatterning (TM) lists about 75 needs! They fall into 5 categories. Which categories can you see operating in your life now, in your childhood, in your family patterns or in your problem?

1. The need for security, nurturance and love.
2. Physical needs for health and energy, protection from harm.
3. The need to achieve your best, go beyond your limits and manifest your potential.
4. The need for love, respect and happiness in relationship.
5. The need for purpose, meaning, spiritual happiness and love from within.

Learning happens best when you are a relaxed human, with a fully functioning, open, curious, mind-body-spirit.

"Once you know the structure of a thing, you can change it."  And consciously, pro-actively, skillfully meeting needs is the biggest game changer I know of.  Needs have the leverage to change your life. 

HOMEWORK:  Make a list of your "unmet needs" and while you're at it, note your "stuff" around having the need.

Do you notice any family mindsets? Do you notice anything you'd like to see "repatterned"? Anything that is creating a "problem"?

Repatterning is the "easy way" because...

Your abandonment issues are patterns. Patterns are composed of multiple "small" parts working together to hold a "big problem" in place. 

Repatterning your issues means identifying individual strands and "resolving" them one piece at a time rather than trying to deal with the whole thing.

Unmet needs are JUST ONE strand. Identifying and resolving them can do a lot! When the "strands" around unmet needs start resolving, needs around relationships (and abandonment issues) lighten up and the good stuff can flow.

Another cool thing about repatterning...

It's empowering.  It's empowering.  It's empowering. 

(I thought that was worth repeating!)

The definition of empower:  make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

For now I'll just mention that repatterning gets you to focus on the ONLY place you have any power at all -- on you.

As a practitioner, I’ve worked with hundreds of people; therapists, spiritual teachers, yoga/pilates instructors, Fortune 500 executives, physicians, Moms, musicians, dancers, hair stylists. High functioning people who find themselves oddly stuck with feelings and behaviors that create problems in their relationships.  

Repatterning what you resonate with, hands down, gets the best results in the shortest amount of time with the smallest investment.

One: You can make positive changes in what you are dealing with NOW – your “symptoms” and the underlying, root causes.
Two: You can change how "you do you."     

~You can change your sense of “self” and how you show up for yourself and in the world.    
~You can embody a stance where you are able to move through challenges in an empowered way.

Repatterning what you resonate with changes you from the inside out:

~Is not just a technique or strategy for coping or manipulating life.
~Resolves old traumas and reaction patterns.
~Supports and guides you in growing into your natural sense of security, strength and wisdom. 
~Provides you with a solid “go-to” to invoke an inner “shift on demand” no matter what challenges you face.
~Connects you with your true source of self-worth.
~Spontaneously improves ALL your relationships AND helps you attract healthier people.

WHAT the heck does it mean to "repattern what you resonate with?" 

We all resonate with loads of different stuff. Some with steak, others with beans. Some with country music, others hip hop, some with silence and still others prefer background noise. 

There's lots of things in life that we all resonate with and they fall on a scale of "coherent" to ...not so much. 

*Coherent =  life-enhancing, energizing, expanding, aligned, high vibration, harmonious. 
Non-coherent or incoherent = life-draining, limiting, static interference, low vibration.

A rambling, disjointed, irrelevant speech is incoherent. A laser beam of light is highly coherent light waves (as compared to scattered and diffuse light waves of a light bulb.) 

An example is anger. There are plenty of obvious ways it is non-desirable and incoherent (but that doesn't mean it can't be).

Anger can be coherent in that it IS energy - it isn't depression or resignation, for example. And anger can motivate action to create positive change, like women getting the vote or the civil rights movement.

~ Like how a "good" constructive argument can clear the air and bring you even closer.

~ Like how wanting a relationship can be a natural drive to partner up for a happier life (coherent) OR it can be a need to avoid being alone and therefore accepting destructive relationships and low self-worth (just for example).

BUT, I'm already leading you astray because it is rarely a simple either-or. It's some of both mixed together AND our "stuff" (pain/patterns) falls in a SPECTRUM of coherence.

(Somewhere in the gray area.)

Okay, so that's the spectrum/coherence angle.Then there's the angle about what we're consciously aware of. 

In the same way that only a tip of an iceberg is visible above water level, what we are consciously aware of, especially about ourselves, is only the tip of the "iceberg."

Typically, when we're trying to change, we focus on the tip.

But, most of the energy pattern (most of what we resonate with that is the root cause of the issue, is the foundation of the issue) is below awareness.

When you SHIFT that root cause, foundational, deeper energy-resonance-pattern toward more coherence, the tip (the desired change) happens MUCH more successfully. (Often automatically as it comes along with the deeper shift.)

Childhood conditioning is the underlying cause of most abandonment issues because regardless of what you consciously believe, think or choose or want NOW (the TIP), most of what you resonate with was set in childhood and is below the level of awareness. 

And it is rarely, if EVER, just one single cause-effect thing. There are "many threads in your tapestry" 
And when you shift THAT (those threads) to higher "vibrations" or levels of coherence, you, your "tip" will change. 
Powerfully. Magnificently. Elegantly. Surprisingly. Lovingly.
I hope this helped explain what "repattern what you resonate with" means. 

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Name the problem (or abandonment issues) that you want to repattern - "Well begun is half done," as they say.

According to UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb, the impact of your emotion lowers if you consciously recognize it.

These first five threads in the repatterning process support you in recognizing and lowering the impact of your problem.

~The first thread is the most obvious. What negative feelings are associated with the problem?  Please write them down. (IN NO WAY is this meant to imply your feelings are wrong or are the cause of your problem.)

~The second thread is to ask "What are you afraid of?" 
 Notice how your fear is stressing you out and how it seems like there is nothing you can do about it. Relax and simply be present with the situation as it is.

~The third thread is to notice where in the relationship "triangle" your ATTITUDE about your problem falls:

a. Blame/complain (blaming self or other is equally negative)
b. Helpless/hopeless (victim)
c. Rescuer (its on me to fix, to sacrifice, to take care of)

~The fourth thread is to notice other areas of stress in your life.  These can be money issues, parents, children, safety issues, past traumas, a difficult person, body/health/sleep issues, depression, power issues, forgiveness, grief, lack of fun/relaxation, and so on. 

This "naming and relaxing" is good practice, it helps you remember how much support and compassion you might want to offer yourself! But the main idea here is to recognize there may be other powerful forces also blocking the light and keeping the problem stuck.

~The fifth thread is a bit of a trip. You may have a ready answer (or you may need to ponder this one):

  Where are you in conflict in your life or
not being true to what you need?     

Most people with abandonment issues were NOT actually literally abandoned NOR did they necessarily lose a parent.  

There are a lot of "good people" who were not able to be "good parents" despite their best efforts and intentions.

Parents are often immature and extremely stressed out. They are often wounded and carry family patterns.  They can be insecure, addicted, angry. They can hold narrow, rigid moral standards.

In short, being born human to human parents is more than enough to sow the seeds for patterns that go deep and qualify as abandonment issues.  

Whatever it is, chances are, you’ve been trying to get over it for a while. You are tired of being upset. You just want to get better. 

There are so many obvious AND subtle ways abandonment issues make themselves known. Here's a few examples of each.

Obvious:

• You over-react
• You jump to worst case scenarios
• You feel problems are your fault
• You can't trust
• You feel unworthy
• You give too much
• You are too "needy"
• Relationships create emotional pain

Subtle:

• You can't directly communicate your feelings or needs in a neutral way
• You tend to "cut-off" rather than work things out
• You write people off as jerks
• You don't really know what you want -but try hard to be "good"
• You dwell on past hurts
• You see yourself as a "wounded" person
• You get so upset about relationship issues it's hard to be productive
• A bad relationship is better than no relationship
• You replay interactions and regret your behavior
• You can't end or cope with relationships ending
• You compare yourself to others
• You measure your worth by how much others love you
• You want to "get" more love
• You repeatedly attract unavailable people
• At some point you may realize that YOU are unavailable on some levels

I know how terrible that feels because I’ve been there. 

The worst is when I'm the one causing the problems - due to the pain I haven't been able to heal. Because I wanted a "good" relationship so desperately that I kind of abandon myself.

I’ve come a long way since those days. And you can, too.

What I finally discovered is a process that can ask my "mind-body system" to immediately pinpoint exactly what happened AND what I need - so I can finally heal.  

I discovered that what kept me stuck in abandonment issues was what I couldn't see, often not at all what I would expect. 

It is in your conscious, unconscious, and higher consciousness:

• in your body memory
• the relationships you experienced
• in your family system
• your breath
• your neural networks
• your fight/flight responses
• your personality structure 

      (just to name a few!)  

Your “body-mind-system” contains all this and more AND (ironically) it is what sets you free.  

Yes, there is a safe, straightforward way to access all of that (AND what you need) in order to heal and move on.

I know this because I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve done it to heal myself and I’ve helped hundreds of clients for almost 20 years.

I can’t promise an instant “fix”.  What I can promise is that you will see real progress. 

What I offer is different from anything else out there. 

This is different because it ASKS your mind and body system what is causing YOUR abandonment issues. 

It is an amazing process that accesses your higher-self for both the "cause and cure" that YOU need, in THIS moment. 

Think of it this way... your "symptoms or issues" come unbidden, uninvited, unwanted, uncontrollable. 

They are proof that the unresolved "stuff" is there - even though you don't want it.  

Those symptoms or patterns "reveal" what is going on. AND what is needed to get free of them. 

Only you can bring what is within you to completion - and I can help you do that in an extremely effective and uplifting way.  

Together, we can facilitate your profound healing and growth. Healing is a process. Change and growth happen as you experience the healing process.

I promise that you will know you have touched a true place inside yourself. A place where there had been an unfinished experience that needed healing.   

And then you’ll see healing as it ripples out:

• into your current experience of yourself
• your relationships
• and your life 

You will be the person who knows how
to get stronger and wiser
because of your experiences

instead of crippled
by what you don’t know how to heal 

You’ll be the person who has had an embodied experience of healing from you, through you, to you.  

You’ll know the incredible wisdom, healing, hope and love that originate from deep inside you, even with your pain.  

You’ll know yourself as the person who stuck with it,
who knew that the love, trust and bonding you want is available, no matter what happened in the past.   

Because the only way to get rid of abandonment issues
is to heal them at the root

Are you interested in finding out how my process would work for you?

Let’s find out if we are a good fit, it takes just a minute to book a free consultation with me.

(There is a $10 deposit that is fully refunded upon completion of the consultation.)

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There is never any pressure to buy because it wouldn't work if you didn't WANT to do it.

Finally, here’s just two of many things people say...

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By Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., CRRP
All Sessions Provided by Phone / Skype

Because I'm a Certified Resonance Replacement Practitioner, insurance is not an option. Published content, sessions, webinars, etc., are not a substitute for psychiatric treatment.

I specialize in deep and lasting change from the inside out.
Transformation. Often when all else has failed

Laura Frisbie, M.Ed., CRRP
Certified Resonance Repatterning Practitioner
Since 1999