Your Abandonment Issues
How To Heal & Repattern the Root Causes
When it comes to abandonment issues, each of you has your own personal situation, history, hurts, hopes, strengths and possibilities. I promise that whatever you want to heal, it is not too big (or too small) for repatterning to help.
No matter what it is, if you look for progress and not perfection, I can help you. Because if you can make even a tiny INCH of progress, then you can do more and make MILES...
What is the relationship or abandonment issue problem you're dealing with? What's your biggest struggle regarding healing?
Abandonment issues are a means for personal growth when you resonate with being empowered.
When a baby is learning to walk, it repeatedly falls down and gets back up. Is that a problem? Or is it the getting up that builds the muscle and bone strength needed for walking?
When you repattern your abandonment issues, you are strengthening your sense of empowerment (similar to the baby becoming stronger from the process of learning to walk).
When you are seeking to change (as in your abandonment issues) it means you are seeking to learn (as in the toddler).
Every abandonment issue involves at least one UNMET need that must be identified.
Getting clear on your needs begins the process of shifting into resonating with getting your needs met.
If you don't resonate with getting your needs met, well.... what happens is:
a. Unconsciously trying to get needs met in unhealthy ways.
b. Supressing needs creates unhealthy consequences.
c. Highly charged negative feelings get triggered and overlaid on the present.
- Resistance
- Regrets
- Resentment
- Fear
- Self-pity
- Grief
- Anger
- Negative judgments
Relationship problems and abandonment issues are often related to trying to get needs met -- but in disempowered, unhealthy ways. It's understandable -- but still, not a healthy or happy way to be in relationships. Not where you want to get stuck!
NEEDS! As a child, my physical needs were met (but stressed my mother to the point where the other needs were not). "NEEDS" beyond survival were simply not respected. This is common, maybe more common than not, mainly because life has been a struggle to survive and hence the pyramid.
But the needs above survival ARE there all along. And we can be grateful to survive AND honor our "higher" needs. Needs are called needs cuz they make themselves known, one way or another. And there is soooo much pressure to dismiss, deny, judge and shame them.
Abandonment issues ARE unmet needs. Reactions, fears, insecurity, all of it are unmet needs interwoven with other needs. And needs run the show, truly.
Identifying the key or core unmet need related to the problem is included in every repatterning. "Triggers" are activated unmet needs from the past that haven't been resolved.
Working with people in sessions has shown me how much "stuff" is attached to needs. People have difficulty "owning" their needs - often because there's blame of self or others.
They might assume someone else must meet their needs or that their issues are because their needs were not met in childhood. (I certainly thought that!)
This was true in childhood, now in adulthood, our issues are "because" we haven't done our inner healing so we can resonate with meeting our own needs.
AND when people hear that, they assume I'm saying to be ultra independent. Nope... that isn't it either.
Interdependent is the goal. Strength combined with vulnerability may be one way to put it.
Resonance Repatterning (TM) lists about 75 needs! They fall into 5 categories. Which categories can you see operating in your life now, in your childhood, in your family patterns or in your problem?
- The need for security, nurturance and love.
- Physical needs for health and energy, protection from harm.
- The need to achieve your best, go beyond your limits and manifest your potential.
- The need for love, respect and happiness in relationship.
- The need for purpose, meaning, spiritual happiness and love from within.
Learning happens best when you are a relaxed human, with a fully functioning, open, curious, mind-body-spirit.
"Once you know the structure of a thing, you can change it." And consciously, pro-actively, skillfully meeting needs is the biggest game changer I know of. Needs have the leverage to change your life.
HOMEWORK: Make a list of your "unmet needs" and while you're at it, note your "stuff" around having the need.
Do you notice any family mindsets? Do you notice anything you'd like to see "repatterned"? Anything that is creating a "problem"?
The power in your abandonment issues is when it motivates you to change. Repatterning is the "easy way" because...
Your abandonment issues are patterns. Patterns are composed of multiple "small" parts working together to hold a "big problem" in place.
Repatterning your issues means identifying individual strands and "resolving" them one piece at a time rather than trying to deal with the whole thing.
Unmet needs are JUST ONE strand. Identifying and resolving them can do a lot! When the "strands" around unmet needs start resolving, needs around relationships (and abandonment issues) lighten up and the good stuff can flow.
Another cool thing about repatterning...
It's empowering. It's empowering. It's empowering.
(I thought that was worth repeating!)
The definition of empower: make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.
For now I'll just mention that repatterning gets you to focus on the ONLY place you have any power at all -- on you.
As a practitioner, I’ve worked with hundreds of people; therapists, spiritual teachers, yoga/pilates instructors, Fortune 500 executives, physicians, moms, musicians, dancers, hair stylists. High functioning people who find themselves oddly stuck with feelings and behaviors that create problems in their relationships.
Repatterning what you resonate with, hands down, gets the best results in the shortest amount of time with the smallest investment.
One: You can make positive changes in what you are dealing with NOW – your “symptoms” and the underlying, root causes.
Two: You can change how "you do you."
~You can change your sense of “self” and how you show up for yourself and in the world.
~You can embody a stance where you are able to move through challenges in an empowered way.
Repatterning what you resonate with changes you from the inside out:
~Is not just a technique or strategy for coping or manipulating life.
~Resolves old traumas and reaction patterns.
~Supports and guides you in growing into your natural sense of security, strength and wisdom.
~Provides you with a solid “go-to” to invoke an inner “shift on demand” no matter what challenges you face.
~Connects you with your true source of self-worth.
~Spontaneously improves ALL your relationships AND helps you attract healthier people.
WHAT the heck does it mean to "repattern what you resonate with?"
We all resonate with loads of different stuff. Some with steak, others with beans. Some with country music, others hip hop, some with silence and still others prefer background noise.
There's lots of things in life that we all resonate with and they fall on a scale of "coherent" to ...not so much.
*Coherent = life-enhancing, energizing, expanding, aligned, high vibration, harmonious.
Non-coherent or incoherent = life-draining, limiting, static interference, low vibration.
A rambling, disjointed, irrelevant speech is incoherent. A laser beam of light is highly coherent light waves (as compared to scattered and diffuse light waves of a light bulb.)
An example is anger. There are plenty of obvious ways it is non-desirable and incoherent (but that doesn't mean it can't be).
Anger can be coherent in that it IS energy - it isn't depression or resignation, for example. And anger can motivate action to create positive change, like women getting the vote or the civil rights movement.
~ Like how a "good" constructive argument can clear the air and bring you even closer.
~ Like how wanting a relationship can be a natural drive to partner up for a happier life (coherent) OR it can be a need to avoid being alone and therefore accepting destructive relationships and low self-worth (just for example).
BUT, I'm already leading you astray because it is rarely a simple either-or. It's some of both mixed together AND our "stuff" (pain/patterns) falls in a SPECTRUM of coherence.
(Somewhere in the gray area.)
Okay, so that's the spectrum/coherence angle.Then there's the angle about what we're consciously aware of.
In the same way that only a tip of an iceberg is visible above water level, what we are consciously aware of, especially about ourselves, is only the tip of the "iceberg."
Typically, when we're trying to change, we focus on the tip.
But, most of the energy pattern (most of what we resonate with that is the root cause of the issue, is the foundation of the issue) is below awareness.
When you SHIFT that root cause, foundational, deeper energy-resonance-pattern toward more coherence, the tip (the desired change) happens MUCH more successfully. (Often automatically as it comes along with the deeper shift.)
Childhood conditioning is the underlying cause of most abandonment issues because regardless of what you consciously believe, think or choose or want NOW (the TIP), most of what you resonate with was set in childhood and is below the level of awareness.
And it is rarely, if EVER, just one single cause-effect thing. There are "many threads in your tapestry"
And when you shift THAT (those threads) to higher "vibrations" or levels of coherence, you, your "tip" will change.
Powerfully. Magnificently. Elegantly. Surprisingly. Lovingly.
I hope this helped explain what "repattern what you resonate with" means.
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Name the problem (or abandonment issues) that you want to repattern - "Well begun is half done," as they say. According to UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb, the impact of your emotion lowers if you consciously recognize it.
Most people with abandonment issues were NOT actually literally abandoned NOR did they necessarily lose a parent.
There are a lot of "good people" who were not able to be "good parents" despite their best efforts and intentions.
Parents are often immature and extremely stressed out. They are often wounded and carry family patterns. They can be insecure, addicted, angry. They can hold narrow, rigid moral standards.
In short, being born human to human parents is more than enough to sow the seeds for patterns that go deep and qualify as abandonment issues.
Whatever it is, chances are, you’ve been trying to get over it for a while. You are tired of being upset. You just want to get better.
There are so many obvious AND subtle ways abandonment issues make themselves known. Here's a few examples of each.
Obvious:
- You over-react
- You jump to worst case scenarios
- You feel problems are your fault
- You can't trust
- You feel unworthy
- You give too much
- You are too "needy"
- Relationships create emotional pain
Subtle:
- You can't directly communicate your feelings or needs in a neutral way
- You tend to "cut-off" rather than work things out
- You write people off as jerks
- You don't really know what you want -but try hard to be "good"
- You dwell on past hurts
- You see yourself as a "wounded" person
- You get so upset about relationship issues it's hard to be productive
- A bad relationship is better than no relationship
- You replay interactions and regret your behavior
- You can't end (or cope with) relationships ending
- You compare yourself to others
- You measure your worth by how much others love you
- You want to "get" more love
- You repeatedly attract unavailable people
- You may realize that YOU are unavailable on some levels
I know how terrible that feels because I’ve been there.
The worst is when I'm the one causing the problems - due to the pain I haven't been able to heal. Because I wanted a "good" relationship so desperately that I kind of abandon myself.
I’ve come a long way since those days. And you can, too.
What I finally discovered is a process that can ask my "mind-body system" to immediately pinpoint exactly what happened AND what I need - so I can finally heal.
I discovered that what kept me stuck in abandonment issues was what I couldn't see, often not at all what I would expect.
It is in your conscious, unconscious, and higher consciousness:
- in your body memory
- the relationships you experienced
- in your family system
- your breath
- your neural networks
- your fight/flight responses
- your personality structure
(just to name a few!)
Your “body-mind-system” contains all this and more AND (ironically) it is what sets you free.
Yes, there is a safe, straightforward way to access all of that (AND what you need) in order to heal and move on.
I know this because I’ve been doing it for years. I’ve done it to heal myself and I’ve helped hundreds of clients for almost 20 years.
I can’t promise an instant “fix”. What I can promise is that you will see real progress.
What I offer is different from anything else out there. This is different because it ASKS your mind and body system what is causing YOUR abandonment issues. It is an amazing process that accesses your higher-self for both the "cause and cure" that YOU need, in THIS moment.
Think of it this way... your "symptoms or issues" come unbidden, uninvited, unwanted, uncontrollable. They are proof that the unresolved "stuff" is there - even though you don't want it. Those symptoms or patterns "reveal" what is going on. AND what is needed to get free of them.
Only you can bring what is within you to completion - and I can help you do that in an extremely effective and uplifting way.
Together, we can facilitate your profound healing and growth. Healing is a process. Change and growth happen as you experience the healing process.
I promise that you will know you have touched a true place inside yourself. A place where there had been an unfinished experience that needed healing.
And then you’ll see healing as it ripples out:
- into your current experience of yourself
- your relationships
- and your life
You will be the person who knows how
to get stronger and wiser
because of your experiences
instead of crippled
by what you don’t know how to heal
You’ll be the person who has had an embodied experience of healing from you, through you, to you.
You’ll know the incredible wisdom, healing, hope and love that originate from deep inside you, even with your pain.
You’ll know yourself as the person who stuck with it,
who knew that the love, trust and bonding you want is available, no matter what happened in the past.
Because the only way to get rid of abandonment issues
is to heal them at the root
Are you interested in finding out how my process would work for you?
Let’s find out if we are a good fit, it takes just a minute to book a free consultation with me.
(There is a $10 deposit that is fully refunded upon completion of the consultation.)
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There is never any pressure to buy because it wouldn't work if you didn't WANT to do it.
Finally, here’s just two of many things people say...
"Game changer!
I can honestly say sessions with Laura changed the course of my life. I’d been in in-person talk-therapy for ten years and felt like I was talking in circles stuck in place. I had loss and trauma that seemed impossible to overcome. I learned how to truly love and accept myself which changed the course of my career, gently began to soften the loss and trauma, and made my relationship that was on the verge of ending not only possible, but more joyful and stable than ever. I’m still not sure what to tell people when they ask what kind of therapy Laura offers, but I know that it works and that she goes above and beyond with her clients providing extra support and resources outside of the sessions. Thank you Laura! "
~~~
"I feel this is getting to the core places I haven't been able to find/shift using other healing modalities."