How to Heal a

appreciate your Brain

If you are wondering how to heal abandonment issues, you may be focused on getting rid of unpleasant feelings and reactions. This creates resistance to how you feel, an inner battle with yourself.

Begin with making friends with what you are experiencing. Be the "best friend" of your difficult and unwanted feelings and reactions.

Fear of abandonment is not ITSELF the problem - it is not is a disorder or means that something is broken or wrong with you  - and those assumptions only serves to intensify unwanted feelings like insecurity, low self esteem, reactivity and fear. 

It’s like this…”Oh great, now I am afraid of feeling abandonment, because there is something wrong with me. Oh no, this cannot be happening, I cannot let this happen again!” 

Abandonment, fear of abandonment and having abandonment issues is a fact of life, it happens all the time and we all know that.  And it feels really bad. So who WOULDN’T be afraid of facing life alone? Like anything else, it becomes overwhelming when you don't have the resources to deal with it. It really IS that simple. 

Here comes some basic brain science:

If you want to know how to heal abandonment, you have to get comfortable with it. Somewhere along the line you have experienced what felt like abandonment. Your brain registered this as danger. Your brain wants you to survive so it warns you anytime it is reminded of those kinds of feelings.

Illustration of a brain full of heartsYour brain learns how to heal abandonment

Take a moment to sense your inner environment - what it is like to be you, inside of you?  What is it like in there?  

Now imagine earlier times in your life when you may have felt sensations similar to feeling abandoned in some way. It is most often a sort of emotional abandonment -feeling unsupported, un-cared for (someone not being there for you or not giving the kind of caring you want and need). 


Understand that anytime - consciously or unconsciously - a similar feeling MIGHT happen - it will trigger your brain-body-breath-nervous system-stress chemicals ETC. to activate.

Your brain is just doing what it does. Being at war with your brain only make things worse.  

Get comfortable that you have had (and sometimes do have) this inner environment experience.   Just BE with it.  This will do MORE to help you learn how to heal abandonment than anything else.

So....if you want to learn how to heal abandonment 

you can start by simply accepting that you have a brain that loves you and is vigilant about looking after you. It just gets a little carried away!

I promise…if you work WITH your brain, it will work with you. Your brain can learn how to heal abandonment. There are LOTS of ways to heal abandonment and you will benefit by exploring them in a confident, empowered, mature, matter of fact kind of way.  

Now... Shall we begin?

Start by getting more clarity about your fears:

1. Fill in the blank:

“I know that I have fear of abandonment (or abandonment issues) because I:

(Describe what triggers your abandonment issues and how you react, anything you do - or avoid doing - because of your fears and issues.)

Now we can use the five elements as a tool to learn about YOU
(which will help you see how to heal abandonment in new ways).

  • Do you tend to get triggered by new beginnings? 

A new job, home, or relationship? Meeting new people, being in new situations?  Are you afraid to be self‑assertive?  Are you afraid to have a vision?  Do you set goals and take action? Are you decisive?  (Wood Element)

  • Do you feel safe in relationships?  Do you know you are OK?

Do you find it hard to trust others? Do you let how other people behave get under your skin an make things about YOU?  Are you triggered by intimacy?  Sexuality?  What happens when you feel unprotected?  Is if horrible to feel vulnerable? Being controlled? Losing control? Do you fear social situations? 
Do you fear communication? (Fire Element)

  • Do you worry about survival? Is your home stable and secure? Are YOU?

Do you fear being unsupported? Do you know how to center and calm yourself? Did you grow up in a stable, calm environment?  Do you depend on others to help you feel supported? How do you do with both giving and receiving?  Do you trust life?  (Earth Element)

  •  Are you afraid of failure, humiliation, embarrassment?  Being "wrong"?

 Do you fight to be right?  Can you be rigid or inflexible?

Have "high standards"? Beat yourself up?  Need to be perfect?

Is it difficult for you to be authentic? 
Are you afraid you will do the wrong thing?  
Are you  concerned about what is true or right?     (Metal Element)

  • How do you feel about fear?  Are you afraid of being afraid?              Feel powerless?

 Does fear steal your calm or make it hard to face life?  Do you get confused?

Do you wear yourself out with overdoing? Do you get carried away by emotion?  

Are you courageous?  Can you be still and listen and trust your inner voice?    (Water Element)

Go to Abandonment Issues for more self help

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"It's the only thing I've found that actually DOES anything." 
"A", Attorney in Australia