Self Help with
 Your Relationship
to Relationships

Self help with relationships has to begin with the most important piece of the puzzle - YOU.

In order to dig deep and make real changes, you have to begin with being sort of like a therapist for yourself.   You have to see what is going on under the surface that is contributing to the problems from your end.

But when you do this inquiry,  the first thing that happens - almost automatically - is feeling like you are flawed, bad and wrong, broken, shameful and so on.  

So you REALLY need to make a promise to yourself that you will "hold the healing space".  

Cartoon Illustration of WizardGet Your Powerful Self Help Wizard On!

WHEN you do the  "Bad Me" thing  (because you will) -  notice that you are doing it.  Just notice.  Don't scold yourself or feel like you are messing up. But DO be aware. Do hold yourself with love, compassion, understanding, and FAITH.  

You CAN learn to be a WIZARD at self help with relationships! So get out your pointy hat and magic wand. (I actually do have both!)

Have faith that you are starting on this path because you know that you ARE changing. You are in a process. So don't let your learning curve discourage (or define) you. 

Self help with relationships
requires you to be WITH and FOR yourself 

I've written some questions for you to consider.  As much as possible, just notice how your "state of being"  - your "inner environment" is affected by looking at this stuff.  

Don't think and analyze and solve.  It is practicing relaxing around highly charged feelings that IS the self help with relationships that you need.

These questions can be painful, so remember--

if you can't feel it, you can't heal it

Loving kindness supports you in facing and healing your feelings.  


Imagine being the little boy in this picture, getting a deep mommy hug. It may sound corny but self help with relationships can include corny feel good stuff like this.

We all carry a certain energy or "vibe" around relationships. Yes, different kinds of relationships have different vibes. One vibe for friends, one for lovers, children, family, colleagues, etc.  

Underneath each of them, however, is a primary "you in relationship to relationship" vibe.  Each of these different vibes come from the same place and they each affect the whole.  

And be sure to notice the YOU in relationship to YOU vibe.   The YOU in relationship to self help with relationships!  Watch your vibe...don't shame it, just name it.

in your self help with relationships.
What is the feeling tone of your
"inner environment"

It makes sense, doesn't it? That there is an energy or vibe that you are carrying (which is NOT your fault or your flaw - not at ALL).  

No, it is more like a learned "INNER ENVIRONMENT" that affects your entire life in painful ways that you can't even SEE.  Like a fish can't see water.

One more you consider these questions in your self help with relationships journey, hold yourself with love and compassion. Something created your hurt...YOU didn't.  Take on a detached, brave "can do" kind of spirit.

You can think of it like an old piece of shrapnel that needs to be removed and cleaned.  It isn't isn't who you isn't who you SET OUT TO BE.

Self help with relationships
is always a journey of one next step...

These questions are just a sample of the kind of self help with relationships explorations it is good to do.

What are some other areas of inquiry that fit your history?

Remember, each type of relationship "vibe" that you carry affects them all. The good news is bringing healing to any one of them also positively affects them all. 

  • Are your memories of relationships mostly memories of feeling insecure?
  • Does the thought of getting into a relationship bring up expectations of being rejected, hurt, or abandoned?
  • Do you find yourself attracted to "unavailable" people?
  • Can you see a pattern where you are attracted to people who are already taken, not wanting a relationship, moving away, inappropriate or in a position of authority...and so forth?
  • Have you been with people who are unavailable in some hidden way...can't commit, emotionally distant, mentally stuck in a past relationship, mourning a lost love, endless turmoil, depressed, addicted...and so on?
  • Do your insecurities and reactions sabotage your relationships? Does your neediness, fear, or distrust create difficulties?

  • Could your negative expectations and fear of relationships be a "self-fulfilling prophesy"? Do you "create what you are afraid of"?

  • Do you ever stay in a relationship because you figure you are lucky to have one at all, ...that no matter how bad it is, it's better than being alone? and maybe "this is the best you can do"?

  • Do you live in nagging inner conflict about your relationships and can't get closure?

  • Are you endlessly trying to find some peace or "rightness" about your relationship? Does your mind go round and round, trying to figure it out? Are you constantly trying to accept or understand it?

  • When someone seems to ignore you, do you assume rejection?

  • Do you feel unjustly dismissed? Does it seem that people don't understand you and they make negative, unfair conclusions?

  • Do you feel you are "not being heard" or "your feelings are not important?"

  • Do you rage against yourself and believe there must be something wrong with you?

  • Do you blame your inadequacies? Compare yourself to others?

Continue with more Self Help On Relationships

You are half way through.  How is this "self help with relationships" process going for you? 

Is it stirring up some stuff?  Anything seem like it was kind of "unconscious" before now?  

Are you noticing some fears that you carry? Like fear of rejection or fear of being alone?  Fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy or fear of commitment? 

Are you getting the sense that it IS a good idea to work on your own relationship stuff -- before you focus on a particular relationship?

Do you notice a tendency to focus on what the OTHER person is doing, thinking, feeling, saying? Do you notice how AFFECTED you are by the other person?  

Go to the link below to continue
with important relationships self help in part two

"The sense of peace and optimism is wonderful."

"I hit a wall of sadness, loneliness, depression and anxiety. My therapist wasn't able to drill into the reasons and get me feeling better.

Laura's site had me feeling positive that there were imprinted patterns that could be changed without medication, without years of talk therapy. I was skeptical, but in a lot of pain and called Laura.

After one interesting and very insightful session, I was hooked. Laura was able to identify abandonment issues that no therapist had been able to, even to pinpointing the specific years of my childhood that were at issue. They were years I was not aware of, and had to reach to my older brother to fill in the blanks of that period in my life.

It turned out there was much sadness, grief, death and abandonment during my formative years...years I don't even remember but that have imprinted me.

I have now worked with Laura for over 6 weeks. I am hooked! This work is interesting, rejuvenating, quite different and I feel uplifted at the end of every session.

I am a different person today than I was six weeks ago. My abandonment issues are GREATLY diminished. I am much more aware of my triggers, know how to manage them better and feel more in control and happier than I've been in a long time. The sense of peace and optimism is wonderful.

Some of my friends think this work sounds crazy, I am a convert and am pleased beyond words that my web search brought me to Laura and Resonance Repatterning work."

Thank you Laura. You're a gem! ~L.G.~ Executive Manager, Fortune 500 Company, CA

Fear of relationship blocks the open-heartedness that relationship needs to thrive and grow

I provide highly successful, holistic mind and body phone sessions that go directly to the heart of problems and get you moving in a better direction immediately.

Each session resolves and releases what holds your negative patterns in place (mentally, physically, emotionally, and energetically.)

Each session shifts you on a deep, root level into aligning what you need and want -- so you live it and attract it with much more ease.

Continue to Part Two:   Self Help On Relationships

Go to Fear of Relationships:  Create An Energy of Safety

Go to Intimacy Definition:  Stop the Slow Death of Relationship

Go to Self Help Social Anxiety:  The most effective social anxiety self help is going to be based on deep understanding and clarity on root causes before anything else. 

Top of Homepage:  Dealing with Abandonment Issues